I remembered and visited an old journal of mine and found somewhat missing July and August 2004 chapters of my life, encoded in plain text and html.
On the 13th of July 2004, I found out that I failed the Actuarial Exam and I didn’t feel too good about it. I told myself that I would do better next time.
Would there still be a next time though? I wonder.
On the 27th, 1) I let myself believe that if I were to rate myself in Visual Basic, I would be 9 out of 10; and 2) I was pretty much excited about driving and finally getting the car as soon as I’m better in driving.
Over confidence sometimes lead to procrastination though. That’s what I’ve learned throughout the years.
On the 28th, I learned to utilize the pen tool in Adobe Photoshop, and that using images and works of others without consent may lead to the deletion of your works in deviantART.
On the 29th, my father and I dented a parked car at the UP Math Building. From that day on, I was traumatized at parking in reverse.
On the 31st, Buknoy (Martin Rivera) and I were able to meet Astral, Astaroth, Soujiro, Blackheart (Redd Santos), QPS, and Neil’s look-alike at SM Megamall on the day of the Cosparade on Ice. On the ice, we were able to meet Arikado (Adrian Gabrentina), Aaron Cruz and Batang Makulet.
On the 1st, Bleedman inspired me to draw.
On the 3rd, Ben, Jeane and I watched Catwoman. They treated me and realized how thankful I should be for having friends like them.
Sorry Jeane for being stubborn. I’ll edit your picture later.
On the 4th, I thought about the Cocolife question I wasn’t able to answer the previous day.
“What is your greatest mistake in life?”
I have always told myself how I wanted Fine Arts and how I always regretted not being able to pursue it. To me, not choosing the right path had always felt like my greatest mistake.
Now, I would think that maybe God had placed me in that path to teach me something, and that something is something that I would later realize, like now. Maybe God intended that I trek that path before I could fully realize my true calling.
On the 5th, Kuya Mike told me, “There’s no use crying over spilled milk.”
On the 10th, I was ranting about not being productive about the Informatics programming project.
But somehow, I am still thankful that even when I’m not productive in programming, I was always productive in Photoshop.
On the 11th, I watched the movie Big Fish. It was a really good movie and I felt that I was able to relate to it.
I have always been a Big Fish (someone with a lot of dreams) living in a small pond. I have always needed a bigger pond, someplace where I can express myself. It had always been that way; even until now.
On the 12th, I went to Informatics for a consultation about my project/thesis.
I realize only now that I always complicate things. I always tend to make things difficult for me.
On the 15th, we were banned. It’s not what you would think though. This was the day WEAREBANNED was formed because of an incident in a forum that faded long ago.
Every true-blooded WAB knows why we hate you and hates the likes of you, Tissue. Every true-blooded WAB understands that Yabangness is equal to Loserness.
On the morning of the 17th, I woke up early feeling very tried. I often believed that when we dream, our spirits also travel to different places in the dream world.
On the afternoon of that day, our Informatics class bonded at Tokyo Tokyo at the SM Carpark. Roland was there, Xander, even Mr. Pogi contestant Ben, Sir Al and the rest. It was fun.
At least nowadays, there’s Facebook. I only wish I could find the others so we can still stay connected. The only friend from Informatics I am still connected with now is Roland.
On the 18th, I wrote about my Midgard Adventures.
I had just leveled-up my knight to 69. Nothing much happened that day except for a certain hacker dropping loot items, such as 2 Poring Cards and 50 Red Potions (these things already worth as much as a million riches before). That day, I also bought an Arc Wand and a Guard for my brother; gave him my Fancy Flower, Flu Mask and Hide Belt; and gave my sister my Soldier Skeleton Card.
Those were the days. Midgard life then was hard, but I had always enjoyed it. It didn’t matter how difficult I earned items, armors or zeny; what mattered most were the people I played with.
On the 19th, I was able to play with RO friends/guildmates: Carlo & PJ. Carlo gave me a Full Plate; we’re getting ready for siege and Juno.
If probably we kept playing as a guild before, I would’ve liked sieges and WOEs now. But those were the days. I had always realized I wasn’t the type to go out in wars, duels, or in sieges. I was always the adventurer, or the collector type of gamer. But nevertheless, I have always admired our guild: Positive Noise. And I promised Carlo and myself that in honor of Positive Noise, I would still continue its adventures.
On the 21st, my high school buddies and I met up; Niño treated us from food to bowling to movie. We seldomly see each other that this felt like a world-class event.
I realize how I miss my friends; I wish we could see each other again, sometime.
On the 23rd, I ranted about having wasted half of my life: that I could’ve done things I wasn’t able to do but wanted to have done. I told myself I’d start over and get a new life.
I feel like I have always been trapped in this situation: that I had always felt wasted. When all in all it had always depended on my decisions in life: what I would do and what I would overcome.
On the 28th, I reflected upon the Gospel Homily: “Let Other People Grow”. The Gospel that day was hoping to teach us about humility.
There was a homeless person during the communion and it made me understand how that person is more faithful than me. Blessed are the poor! I was touched by the fact that even though this person is robbed off all his necessities in life, he still pursued to follow God, unlike people who are rich, they tend to forget Him.
On the 29th, I ranted about how my day was tiring: formatting-reformatting the PC and reinstalling-uninstalling an application over and over again, only to discover that one of the partitioned drives wasn’t reformatted. But then I realized I was thankful it wasn’t formatted, for I wouldn’t be able to update my website if it had been.
Re-reading this journal and finding out the meanings to these experiences made me realize a lot of things.